In a bit of a rut postpartum? If you don’t feel sexy after baby, you’re not alone. It’s normal, but at some point, you’re probably ready to dip your toes back into the steamy waters. Let’s talk about how to reconnect with your body and how to feel sexy again after having babies.
First things first… It’s totally normal to have a sex slump after kids. I mean, after you give birth, there’s a period of time afterward when it’s literally not safe or recommended for you to have sex. Add in cluster feeding, a new after baby body, exhaustion, overwhelm, and more and it’s easy to understand why you have to relearn how to feel sexy again.
Diving back into a hot sex life with my husband wasn’t exactly fast or easy for me, but it did get better with time and a few key things I did. So I’m going to spill the beans on how I got my sex life back on track, and it all started with feeling sexy after baby for myself first. These are the best ways that I’ve been able to bring my own sexy back postpartum.
How can I feel better about my body?
Start with reconnecting with your cycle.
When we think about postpartum and our after baby body we usually think about aesthetics and trying to snap back to our pre-baby shape… which at best is unrealistic and at worst sets up toxic expectations of women who are in their most vulnerable place in life usually. Instead of starting with the outside, I like to begin with the inside, and just getting to know my body again by reconnecting to my cycle.
For most of my life, I was lucky if I jotted down in a notebook or calendar when I got my period. Each month was kind of a guessing game for me when my period would make its appearance.
It wasn’t until I starting trying to conceive that I first starting paying attention to what my body did every month.
As I started noting the different phases of my cycle each month, I was able to find a correlation between different phases of my cycle and how felt. Including when I felt extra sexy. (Spoiler alert: it’s usually around ovulation for many woman)
It’s no surprise that ovulation is a time when many women will feel more inclined to get it on. I mean, it’s the one time of the month when our bodies are able to conceive. So it is basic math to put 2+2 together and realize the hormones happening in our body during ovulation encourage us to have sex.
But beyond ovulation, if you begin to track your cycle and how you are feeling at different phases, you’ll notice trends.
If you can figure out when you are usually feeling the sexiest, you can shoot for those times as date nights or late nights with your partner. How to feel sexy can be as simple as syncing up your clock, and not forcing yourself to
No worries if your period hasn’t returned yet! If you are still breastfeeding it is normal for it to take a while to become fertile again. Some women even goes years without a period if they’re still breastfeeding. (Personally, mine usually comes back around six months even if I’m breastfeeding)
But you can still track your symptoms and how you’re feeling even if you don’t have a normal cycle yet. You’ll probably still find there are other factors contributing to how you’re feeling at different points.
Check out my favorite book all about your cycle, perfect for starting to reconnect with your after baby body. It’s a must-read!
Start feeling sexy by spending more time time naked.
Becoming a mom, birthing a child, means your body goes through a lot of huge changes. Even if you lose the baby weight or your postpartum belly, you probably aren’t looking or feeling exactly the same since acquiring a mombod.
Even the most confident women can feel a little shaky about getting naked and being intimate with someone at first after having a baby. You might find your postpartum body beautiful and sexy, but it might still take some time to just feel like it’s yours.
Change is hard sometimes, and when something as close to us as our body changes, it can derail our sexy vibes a bit.
So start finding ways to get more comfortable with your body, namely, be naked more.
How can you spend more time feeling what it feels like to be naked in this new mombod? Can you check yourself out in the mirror a little longer after a shower? Or take long baths instead of showers?
The point is to try to be alone with yourself without the comfort of clothing until you feel good, and that confidence can help you feel more at home in your skin.
A newfound sense of comfort in your body can easily teach you how to feel sexy again.
Practice self-care and nourish your after baby body.
It’s a lot easier to feel sexy when not only is your body well cared for, but you’re emotionally cared for too.
What do you need to feel your best?
Exercise? Lots of green smoothies? A walk outside in nature? A hot bath? A nap? A good cry?
Take care of your own basic needs and your cup will be full.
I don’t know about you, but when I’m tired and overwhelmed, sex is usually the first thing to fall to wayside. I’m just too tired!
And when it comes to self-care, this also means taking care of your physical appearance.
I am not saying you need to do anything special to be presentable enough to get it on. Rather, what can you do to your physical appearance to make yourself feel hot and attractive? The question of how to feel sexy might be as simple as some extra indulgent moisturizer.
Like, I am all about women choosing not to shave their legs or armpits, and I forgo shaving many times. But I also feel sexier when my legs are smooth and armpits hair-free. When I really want to inject some extra oomph, I get a Brazilian wax too.
Remember, this isn’t about you fulfilling some random beauty standard. It’s about you doing what feels good for you.
Pleasure yourself first to start feeling sexy again after baby.
And speaking of doing what feels good for you… how about you spend a little time getting reacquainted with yourself and what pleases you.
After having babies, I usually go through a phase when even if I do feel like having orgasms (self-induced or otherwise), I’m in the thick of new motherhood and just don’t have the will or energy.
In my opinion, the first place to start when reestablishing your passions is to start alone. Remind yourself of how awesome orgasms are. Wanna know how to feel sexy again? Start by learning from your own pleasure.
Feel sexy after baby by connecting emotionally with your partner.
Ever feel like you and your partner are two ships passing in the night vs. lovers? Same here.
When you have little kids, it is easy to get stuck in a rut of just co-parenting instead of romance.
So start reconnecting. It’s easier to feel like hopping back in the sack when you are feeling attracted to and comfortable with the person you plan to get busy with.
After my husband and I implemented a weekly date night, our sex life picked up tremendously. This is one of those simple recommendations that is almost a cliche at this point, but the importance of a date night can’t be overstated!
If you don’t have childcare or can’t go out, that’s ok! Our date nights right now are a cheap bottle of rosé and some Marvel movies after the kids are in bed. I’m usually too tired to make it through the entire movie, but even an hour of cuddling and sipping a good drink can help. It’s not fancy, but it’s a way to spend time together.